There are times when you just stood still, then thoughts starting to roll on your heads. Thoughts that makes you feel uneasy. Thoughts of “what if”
I called it my moody feeling.. Sometimes it strikes me on my weirdest moment at the toilet, or when I’m cooking. Or even when I bathe my baby K. The weirdest feeling of all. Makes me wandering, wandering and wander.. What if..
Ya.. I surely am a moody person. That kinda feeling made my entire mood becomes blue. Not that I want it, but I just got me. It just got me so deep that I just couldn’t let it go. Couldn’t let it pass by me. Couldn’t just let it as it be.
“What if”.. Any sentence that starts with “what if” sometimes is good.. But in my case now.. It felt like regret. Not that I regret the life that I have now, but I surely want some improvement. I really miss my days at work. I miss having my own income. I miss having the time to pamper my self. I miss having the strength to do lotsa things. But most of all, I miss me..
Weird right.. Yeah.. I feel the same way.. In this kind of situation, I just feel that I’m starting to loose myself. Well.. Kinda loose it.. But not entirely.. Sometimes I’m loosing my grip. I’ve lost it in the middle of nowhere and it’s nowhere to be found.
My thoughts are as wild as it can be.. As blue as it be and as sorrow as it be.. Made my day becomes blue, turned my mood upside down. Made me sad, even made me wanna cry.
But in this kind of situation, I can’t do anything. I can only let it juggle inside my head. If I let it out, it’ll make my dearest person sad. If I let it in, it’ll make my self go down. Well better having me down rather than my dearest person go down.
Heck what I’m sayin.. Blabberish blabberish blabberish.. Me and my moody feeling..